I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
