We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
