Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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