Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
