I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
