When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
