Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
