I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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