woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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