im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
