Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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