Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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