I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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