I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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