so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
