every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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