My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
