Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
