Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
