Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
