I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
