Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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