I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
