I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
