I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
