I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
