by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
