he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize