Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
