If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
