You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to have your abortion
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize