My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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