wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize