We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
