How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
