I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
