I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
