I am puke
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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