Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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