Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
