i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
