The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
