i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
