When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
