I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
