One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
