Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize