Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
