she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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