i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
