How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
