I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
