i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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