If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
