Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My life is pants optional.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
