I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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