Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
