YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize