There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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