TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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