i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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