Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize