If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
