This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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