Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we made out on top of his cat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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